Attention to the writers of all annoying commercials:

Stop it. You’re not funny. You’re not clever. Your poorly written jingles do nothing to add credibility to your product or influence me to purchase your services. Just because a singing marmaset with a guitar is popular on the internet does not mean I need it shoved down my throat in the middle of my Jeopardy. I don’t care if you have a pepper bar. I don’t care if you’re “lovin’ it.”

So, from this moment on, I am done. To Quiznos, I love your subs, and have for years. However, until you cease and desist, I refuse to set foot inside another one of your stores. McDonalds, if your food didn’t already lead me to extreme bouts of particularly noxious digestional issues, your miserable ads would forever lead me to boycott your restarants.

For the last four years, I’ve been keeping a list of places I refuse to go because your commercials are SO BAD. It’s getting pretty long. And I’m saving a ton of money.

So, to the makers of new ads: let’s try to be clever and creative, not obnoxious. Besides, pretty soon everyone will have TiVO, and then you’ll have to find a new way to pitch your crappy products. So you better make your time count.

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